Caregiver Relief When Taking Care Of Loved Ones

I am sure that you or someone you know has an elderly loved one that longs to stay in comfort of their own home instead of a nursing home or assisted living residence but requires extra care/supervision and TLC particularly during the very hectic work week. Perhaps you work many hours during the week or live quite a distance from an elderly family member and just can't visit as often as you would like. Do you take wonderful care of your elderly parent or relative and need respite/relief care provided?  Do you need to relax and have a qualified health care professional take care of your valued family member?


While it is commendable for you to take great care of your loved one at home, you must take time to care for yourself. Many caregivers not only assume care of their loved ones but still work for a living and have families of their own.  As a seasoned RN, I have seen countless family members who provide part to even full time care for their loved ones and they are exhausted and drained to say the least. Some have been on a brink of tears just talking to me about it.  I do not doubt that they love their family member but they always talk about how difficult a job it is! Do you have other family members available when you need a break or are required to complete important tasks/duties? Do you have time to run errands, go on a vacation, get a massage or even attend the gym? Remember if you are not taking care of yourself, you may not not be ideal for assuming care for your loved one. You run a great risk of becoming burnt out and must try to avoid this at all costs. You need to encourage yourself to maintain a clear mind, good physical condition and a sense of spirituality. I always tell my patients there is only one of you..take care of yourself to the best of your ability. You must do your part!

According to the AARP, listed below are 6 signs that you are headed to caregiver burnout:


1. You feel furious one minute, sad and helpless the next:  Whatever you call it--second hand stress or the more serious caregiver burnout--the despairing mix of physical and emotional exhaustion strikes many caregivers at one time or another.  As you ride the emotional rollercoatser of caregiving, you're usually easily overwhelmed and angry.  You can't eat or you eat too much. You're exhausted even after a night's sleep. Your brain is foggy and yo no longer care about the things that used to bring you joy.

The fix: Your life has changed in profound ways, so it's natural to feel frustrated and to grieve for what you have lost.  But untreated anxiety or depression is serious and you no longer care about the things that used to bring you joy.

First check in with your doctor to rule out any medical conditions that can trigger symptoms of mental health problems. Let your doctor know you are a caregiver and might need support to be able to continue this role.  Finally, remind yourself that while you are doing everything you can, you will do everything and that's OK too.


2. You catch every bug that comes your way:  Stress doesn't just make you anxious an depressed.  It takes a toll on your immune system. If you are getting sick more often and staying sicker than you used to, your body is trying to tell you something.  Listen up.

The fix: Don't let your routine checkups slide because you don't think you have the time.  See your doctor and dentist regularly.  Ditto for all recommended screenings. Eating a nutritious diet and getting at least 7 hours of sleep at night boosts your body's natural defenses.


3.You're snapping at everyone:  When you feel helpless and overwhelmed, you're more likely to overact to the things people do, or don't do.  Like a toddler having a tantrum, you need a time out.

The fix:  Don't set the bar so high you can never meet it. pick up the phone and make a call to a friend.  Studies show that simply giving voice to your frustrations and fears dials down tension and eases the isolation that shadows caregivers.

Mapping out a daily routine that you try to stick to will also giver you a greater sense of control. Prioritize you to-do list, whether it's grocery shopping or taking Mom to a doctor's appointment. Don't worry about things lower down on the list that don't get done.


4. You know you should exercise but just don't have the time: No one functions well in crisis mode day after day.  Caregiving is a marathon not a sprint.  You need to find a way to dial down the tension.

The fix:  Force your self to get moving because exercise is the best stress reliever. Not only will you feel better right away, the surge of endorphins that exercise triggers lifts your mood, clears your head and helps you sleep better at night. A brisk 30 minute walk or jog on the treadmill, even a 10 minute walk around the block, jumps starts your brain, soothes your nerves and powers up your immune system.


5. You can't remind the last time you met a friend for dinner or a movie: Everyone needs a break from time to time, so why don't you give yourself one.  Caregivers-motivated by a mix of love, loyalty and a dash of guilt-rarely do.

The fix: We are not suggesting a 2 week Caribbean cruise, though that would be lovely right? An overnight visit with a college friend, a night at a bed and breakfast, even a few hours to write in your journal, a sip of hot tea while you read a book or watch reruns of your favorite sitcom, can be restorative. One caveat: Taking a break does not mean running errands or doing chores.  It's your time.


6.You're the go-to caregiver. Always:  this may be the hardest job you'll ever have,  and it can take time to adjust and come to terms with it. But try going it alone and you'll quickly hit bottom.

The fix:  Establish a network of friends, relatives or people in the community you can call on.  Schedule a family meeting or video chat about who does what and pays for it.  Let everyone know you will not be available to host holiday meals, organize the church book drive and other other draining activities that you normally handle. Keep a to-do list with you and whip it out when others ask if they can help. Your neighbor might be happy to spend a few hours at your house while you go to the gym..A friend can buy groceries when she is at the store.

Do any of the signs of caregiver burnout identified by the AARP sound or feel familiar? 

If you are fortunate and have responsible support, please make arrangements to train them in assisting/replacing you when you need to do you. Try not to feel guilty in delegating help/support, you deserve it!

If you don't have or lack support on a regular basis, you are probably wondering what to do. You can always contact your family doctor for input since he/she should be well versed on the care required for your family/loved one. Your doctor may be able to direct you to the appropriate disciplines needed to provide quality care/relief/support groups.  Also, depending on the status of your loved one, an adult day care center may open up multiple opportunities for you. You can also seek part time or full time private duty nursing care to assist in taking good care of your loved one. I am so excited to inform you that I am owner/operator of ANGEL NURSEWORKS, which provides quality private duty nursing care in the Philadelphia, Montgomery County, PA area. Rejoice that your ANGEL NURSE has arrived!

Why not have your loved one cared for in his/her precious home by a seasoned nurse who offers the best of both worlds--- a qualified nurse who also assumes the duties of an assistant/home health aide/transportation attendant/companion. This will afford you an opportunity to go on that long awaited vacation! It will also allow you to work full time and/or take care of your own family while knowing that your loved one is receiving good care in your absence.

To have ultimate peace of mind knowing your elderly loved one is cared for and protected by an ANGEL NURSE----Priceless!

I wish you well in all that you do,

Deneene Shipanga RN BSN
Owner/Operator Angel Nurseworks
Home Health Care
Private Duty Nursing At Its Best
www.angelnurseworks.com